When we decided to “try out” the Orthodox church near us, I thought it would be a few visits. Then somehow my husband got the idea that we had discussed a plan (we probably did) and started telling a few people that we were going to try it out for a year and then make a decision. I felt rushed and maybe a little like, “eh, when did we decide all that?” But, then again, my brain is not the best at remembering, so maybe we did talk about it. Not that I regret it at all, I am just saying that I felt a little rushed.
Now, our friends Mark and Barb are coming to the Orthodox church too and it looks like they are ready to dive right in, while I am still feeling cautious. That’s me, Miss Cautious. Do you know what happens to cautious people? They usually watch their feet when they are about to jump… which throws them off balance. Or they stutter step and trip over their own feet. I know that there has to be some value in my desire to wait and search this new church out, but I feel kinda foolish or like a coward.
(This quote is from a comment that I left in my husbands blog.) It is hard to put into words, what I am feeling. I have been raised Christian all of my life but found that I struggled with some of the teachings. I think that my desires, for a long time, have been for worship that is reverent and holy, like it was in the Old Testament and like you see it described in Revelation. People falling down, prostrating themselves before a HOLY GOD. People praying together in unity, not for themselves alone. I like the way the Orthodox Church worships and prays. Also, I feel that the teaching of Salvation makes more sense to me in the Orthodox church than it did in other Christian churches, because I could never make that verse about “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” fit in with “say this prayer and believe, and you are saved.” I have felt like we should be doing something to show that we are saved or to cooperate with our salvation. But that attitude would be dubbed “works based salvation” where I come from and that was frowned upon.
I think that the guarded feeling is from fear. I am afraid of being “led astray”, I am afraid of the unknown elements, and I am afraid that I will give my heart to this Church, these good people and that I will later find out that there is this THING or THINGS that we cannot accept about Orthodoxy and we will have to tear ourselves away. I do not want to feel that pain again.
So far, everything seems right. But, I feel like I have to give it more time or something. I am not one that likes to dive right into the deep end. I wade in at least halfway before I get all wet. I wish I could feel safe enough to dive right in.
So, I guess that sums up my answer to the question, “What’s the holdup?”
Learning 2 Live Deliberately 
Hey Deb, we’re pretty comfortable but we’re not in any hurry either. You’ll know when and if the time is right.
Love you
Babe, please don’t feel rushed at all. We’ve come from a difficult past regarding a local church. We’ll take as much time as the entire family needs to feel comfortable and ready. Our children are depending on us for a healthy and wise decision. And I think it’s far wiser to wade in than to jump. Mark’s right totally correct in his comment.
By all means, take your time. Fear will give way eventually, and when it does, you’ll have the added benefit of having already worked through whether you’re really doing this or not!
*hug!*
This from the most spontaneous person I know?
Just teasing. Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you.
Love ya,
Barb
Dear Debbie (and Mark and Jason and Barbara),
I came across your “blogset” after Mark linked to “Glory to God”. My family was baptised Orthodox last Christmas Eve, after spending a collective 94 years as Protestant Christians. (My son is 12; you can do the math from there…)
I wanted to greet you warmly and to say that many parts of all of your stories bring up very recent memories of the journey we took. I guess the reason I posted to all of you on Debbie’s blog is that I totally get the “wading” version of things. I started wading a long time before my husband even saw the pool…but once he saw the pool, he dove right in the deep end, as did my son, once he got the “all clear” that we were going to get into THAT pool.
The point of the analogy, which I am not bright enough to take much farther is that the water is fine. Some of us are waders, some synchronized swimmers, some swim team racers–and we are all in the same pool, which is the community.
You can deduce a lot while you stand on the side of the pool–learn about the swimmers, the water, the techniques of swimming or diving–and even get a little idea of what’s going on when you dip your toe in or get splashed.
But the only way to demonstrate faith that water supports you, or really learn how to swim, is to get in. I don’t say that to rush you in any way. That’s not my point. What I want to say is that “getting in” will make a huge difference. You don’t have to hurry … but neither can you expect to “know enough” to make it a comfortable move.
One of my worries (“worrying” being one of my besetting sins) was this: If Orthodoxy is wrong, I have no where else to go. I felt like Peter, “Where else shall we go? You alone have the words of life.”
Anyway, your quilting and swimming posts resonated with me. Both of those skills–quilting and swimming–take some time. Don’t worry (she said).
Kind regards to all of you.
No matter how fast you want to go–ultimately your priest will be the one to decide when you become catechumens and then chrismated. That is the exact opposite of the Protestant faith–where the individual decides when to join a church.
Blessings,
Nichole