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Archive for October, 2007

On days like today, I feel like a daycare worker first and a mom second. I barely saw my kids this morning. I didn’t even realize that Danielle (my 5th grade fashionista) had gobs of eyeshadow on, until Michael pointed it out to me. I dropped Catherine off at school late again. (But I am actually doing better this year than I have in the past at being on time.) When I dropped off Dani and Chris, I spoke a little harshly to them because they were taking sooooo long to get out of the van…. again! I get these frantic “move it along lady!” gestures from the parking lot parent and I know that I am holding up a line of frustrated parents. I hate to leave the kids with harsh words ringing in their ears but I also hate to be the focus of an angry mob of commuter parents.

So, off to work I went… to watch other people’s babies… with a smile on my face as much as possible. We had a lock down drill and a fire drill today. It was a bit stressful at the nursery. (Sometimes it was a lot stressful) You know that nursery workers have to draw on deep wells of strength and patience from some inner source… well, I don’t always put forth the same effort with my own kids. I feel like they should know by now how I expect them to behave.

After working at the very busy nursery till 1:50pm, I had a short lunch break before heading to an elementary school to watch kindergarteners and first graders till 5 pm. That went pretty well. I only made one boy cry. He was upset because I put another boy in charge of the Dr Suess game. But I should have known that this other boy really REALLY wanted to be in charge. He told me that he knows how! He told me that he wants to be in charge! But I had noticed that he was not a good listener. He was disrespectful to teachers. Didn’t follow rules and kinda bullied other kids. I guess I don’t feel like that behavior needs to be rewarded. I didn’t let the tears manipulate me.

When I got home, my heroic husband had finished helping kids with homework and had just finished making dinner for all of us. He also had to pick all the kids up from their schools today, since I was subbing at daycare. He is awesome!!!!!!

After dinner I was trying to get my youngest child to clean up his area and it seems like I said all kinds of wrong things because he got all offended and got this bad attitude on. I was pointing out that instead of doing what he is told, with a bad attitude, he should be thanking his dad for the great dinner and for helping with homework and I jokingly/seriously told him to “tell dad thank you for making my dinner and helping me with homework and I love you.” and I said “give him a hug and a kiss.” This made hime get all offended or embarrassed but he was smiling at my joking while he protested. Then I said, ” Now, hug me and kiss me with that smile too.” and he wouldn’t even look at me. He put his head beside the couch. I am not sure what I did to start him off with a bad attitude. Maybe he had it before I said anything. I guess that I am just feeling like I am better at daycare than I am at home. I feel like even though I made a boy cry at daycare, at least I understand why that happened. I hate it when I feel like a loser of a mom. Believe me, it happens a lot. It happened before I was a “working mom” and it still happens now. I am feeling the weight of the responsibility of how these kids of mine are turning out. Do I really have that much influence over them? They seem to spend most of their lives at school and doing homework.

God, help me to choose to draw deeper on that inner well of patience when I am with my own kids. Help me to make time to get the well filled, by spending time with You, and in your word. I pray that I will not just sit around beating myself up for not always doing this parenting thing right. Help me to get better at parenting my kids as individuals. Keep them in your care. Amen.

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