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Archive for March, 2005

  Hey, guess what! I have a new job! Oh, I guess you already knew that because I put it in the title. (Note to self…don’t give away the secret in the title!)
I started work today, March 22nd, at a high school that allows teen mom’s to bring their babies to the school nursery. I will be "in charge" of 3 babies… but, only God is really in charge of babies.  If any of you have tried to soothe an inconsolable colic- stricken baby you know that you are not "in charge" at all.
    The nursery can have between 7 and 14 babies any given day. So, I will be helping with other babies as I see the need and am able to help. The ages range from a few months to 2 1/2 years.  Today was a low attendance day so, it was pretty manageable and quiet. It was a good day to start, since the lady in charge had to explain the forms I will be filling out and layout of the rooms and basically everything.
    I was really supposed to start last week, but I found out the day before starting that the little rash I had was Shingles which is contagious. Bummer! I have been told by my dad that old people get Shingles just before they die.  Well, that was not exactly uplifting. But, I am not dead…SO, HAH HA!!!  I have broken that myth wide open, Dad!!! (actually, he was just trying to be funny. So, if my humor shocks or offends any of you…blame it on my dad, from whom I learned to be funny-ish…if you find that sort of thing amusing. 🙂
    What was I going to say?  Oh yeah, Shingles!  Shingles are a dormant virus from or of, Chicken Pox. (don’t quote me on that, I am not a doctor!) Shingles are also thought to be brought on by stress.  Stressed?  Who me?! Well, only for about 3 years. I guess my body had tried giving me subtle clues, but I wasn’t getting the hints. So, now I am under orders by my body and my Nurse Practitioner, to find ways to de-stress my life.
    Getting this job to help bring in more income for our family is one step in the right direction. Now, to figure out steps 2, 3, 4 and 5. Maybe step 2 is figuring out what to do about the van. Maybe step 2 is just to take more deep cleansing breaths. That sounds easier.
    God help me to lay it all at your feet and take up your yoke. For your yoke is easy and your burden is light. Help me to really understand that and to live it.

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Hi my name is Debbie and I am selfish.  There, I said it. I don’t feel better…but I said it.  This selfishness thing has really been picking at me and poking at me. I think I feel like an ant under a magnifying glass.."Hey move that thing, buddy! I’m starting to get singed!" 

What do I do for others?  As little as I can get away with usually?  What do I do for myself?  As little as I can get away with also?  What is that about?  Maybe I am selfish and lazy.  Oh no!  I think I have said too much.  I feel more eyes staring through the magnifying glass.  Bummer!  Ouch! You would think all those bodies would blot out the sun, but no.

I hope this poking and picking  out of my flaws is God’s work because I know that when he picks it is for surgical reasons. He wants me to be whole.  But if it is our enemy  poking and accusing me I will end up in a bloody, unresponsive heap. To be honest, lately I have been feeling bloody and unresponsive.  I cannot seem to see any good in myself.  I do not want your pity (If anyone is even reading this.) But I do desire your prayers.  I think that the severity of my emotional and mental state these days is a precursor to some big changes.  I hope so.  I would hate to be going through all this stormy, hateful time, (This dark night of the soul) and see no hope or change or end to it at all. God have mercy.

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