Archive for July, 2003

False Images

False Image vs. lowly and contrite image

I had a confrontation with myself the other night… and it was not pretty. It was spurred on by a talk I was having with Jason. Now the feelings have dulled by time, but then I was feeling so bad about myself that I didn’t want anyone to even look at me. I just had to take a good hard look at myself.

The truth is hard to face so we tend to hide it…even from ourselves.

It was probably not even that terrible to most people. (that is what I want to believe.) What I was faced with, was my own laziness and lack of motivation. I was thinking about how I spend my days running from the real work that needs to get done. It is so much a part of me that I hardly ever confront myself with it. I’ve even been running from God in a way…not setting aside time to be with him in silence and solitude. Afraid! Not wanting to let him search my heart while I look on. Because no matter how good I may be able to look on the outside (No matter what image I can put out there for the world to see; for myself to see) God sees me as I truly am and he wants me to see myself as I truly am.
(NO!! please not that!) :-0

As I was thinking of this false image, I was reminded of an incident in my childhood that struck me the same way…with shock and disgust at the real truth.
It happened when I was young, maybe seven or eight years old. I was outside in my backyard playing all alone. I looked down and saw a beautiful, shiny marble stuck partway in the dirt… I wanted it, so I reached down and tried to pick it up. It was stuck good! So, I pulled harder…Out popped the marble AND it’s terrible legs and ugly alien face!!. I screamed, threw the hideous thing, spun in the air and ran back to the house all in one perfectly executed maneuver. That potato bug was showing me a false image…not intentionally I am sure but one end did look like a fancy marble. And the other end…did not. Do you ever feel like that? I do.
I pray that one day my outer image is a true reflection of an inner life that has been renewed and transformed by the life of Christ dwelling richly in me. I will take comfort in these words as the transformation is taking place…

(Isaiah 57:14-19) And it will be said: “ Build up, build up, prepare the road! Remove the obstacles out of the way of my people.”
For this is what the high and lofty One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.
I will not accuse forever, nor will I always be angry, for then the spirit of man would grow faint before me—- the breath of man that I have created. I was enraged by his sinful greed; I punished him, and hid my face in anger, yet he kept on in his willful ways.
I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel. Peace, peace, to those far and near,” says the LORD. “And I will heal them.”
God has seen my ways, but he will guide me and heal me and restore comfort to me. In the meantime, I can’t just sit back and wait for transformation. I need to make every effort to cooperate with the process. That is where I need your prayers and encouragement. I am having a hard time being cooperative. I am so entrenched in doing things my way for my pleasure that I am almost paralyzed to do anything that may be hard. The discussion we had last night about Hebrews 12 was good for me to hear. Now I have to practice it. Throw off every hindrance and every sin that so easily entangles.
Come on folks, help out your lame sister here. I need your prayers.


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